The Apprentice
Wow. So the new series of The Apprentice started today, and once again I am staggered by the level of areshole-ism expressed by some of the candidates. It must be a real struggle for the production team to realiably choose candidates for the new series who are substantially bigger arseholes than the previous year's selection, but they manage it. Well done them.
I mean, some of the stuff they come out with is just astonishing. One of them refers to himself as "The Brand" because he actually thinks he's that good. I think "The Incomprehensibly Massive Wanker" is more fitting, but I don't get to write this stuff. This same specimen, literally seconds into the program, then utters the immortal line "Everything I touch turns to sold." Really? Not to be outdone, one of the other tremendous dickheads excitedly spouts "My first word wasn't mummy, it was money." Not only does this make him sound like an arsehole of planet-sized proportions, it's also almost definately not true.
Seriously, you couldn't write this stuff. Actually, yes I could. Lets have a go:
"I don't bleed blood, I bleed success. And I patch the wound with money"
"They call me The Package. And it's a package of money and success."
"I don't eat food, I only live off success, and then when I'm full of success I shit great big piles of money."
"I wasn't born from a mortal womb, I in fact descended to earth on a cloud of money and success."
"The only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is the thought of success and money. And my bed is already made of money."
So if we believe that the people on The Apprentice are what businessfolk are actually like, and running a successful business is chiefly about being a tosser of monumental proportions, it turns out I'd actually be pretty good at it.
